--why did the chicken cross the road?

Steph: Shanna and I were THIS close to finally getting it together and now we're interrupted by a fucking CHICKEN?! Motherfucker.

Shanna: It had some important decisions to make, so it ran away.

Nick: Its one true love was on the other side. What else could it do?

Naz: Its boyfriend didn’t like fat chicks, so it wanted to get some exercise.

Lionel: Shanna was on the other side of the road... naked... *passes out*

Jaden: I miss that chicken already... *sniff*

Shanna's mom: Young chickens shouldn’t cross the road all by themselves. What would people think?

Annika: It returned to the dark side, where it belonged.

Melissa H.: Little does it know what awaits it on the other side... *looks scary*

Eva: Come here, little chicken... that’s it, just a little closer... *chomping sounds* I love feathers.

*shakes head*

Bodoh punya orang. :)

--mental instability.

[x] You have screamed at an inanimate object for 'hurting you.'
[ ] You have ran into a glass/screen door.
[x] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.
[x] You have thought of something funny and laughed, and then people gave you weird looks.
[ ] You have run into a tree/bush.
[x] You have been called a blond.
TOTAL: 4

[ ] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow.
[ ] You just tried to lick your elbow.
[ ] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star had the same melody.
[ ] You just sang them to make sure.
[x] You have tripped on your own feet and fallen.
[x] You have choked on your own spit.
TOTAL: 6

[ ] You have seen the Matrix and still don't get it.
[ ] You type with three fingers or less.
[x] You have accidentally caught something on fire. (It was my fucking thumbnail, okay!)
[ ] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose.
[x] You have caught yourself drooling.
TOTAL: 8

[x] You have fallen asleep in class.
[x] Sometimes you just can't stop thinking.
[x] Sometimes when you are telling a story you forget what you are talking about.
[x] People often shake their heads and walk away from you.
[x] You are often told to use your 'inside voice.'
TOTAL: 13

[x] You use your fingers to do simple math.
[ ] You have eaten a bug accidentally.
[x] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important.
[ ] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it.
[x] You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand/pocket the whole time. e.g. picks, cards, pens, phones, money, keys etc.
TOTAL: 16

[ ] You have posted bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen if you don't. [x] You break a lot of things.
[x] You tilt your head when you're confused.
[x] You have fallen out of your chair before.
[x] When you're lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture on the ceiling.
[x] The word "um" is used frequently.
[ ] You don't know what "um" means.
[x] You say "what" and "huh" a lot.
[x] You plan to use a calculator to multiply your score for this bulletin.
TOTAL: 23

Take your total, Multiply by 4.

Stephanie-Jo Fernandez - 92% mentally unstable and fucking loving it.

--tattoos are sexy. :)

“I wanna see you.”
“Okay. Is something wrong?”
“No. No, not at all. Can’t I spend time with my girl?”
“Hmm, lemme think about it.”
“Fernandez...”
“Hmm, thinking here.”
“Yeah, yeah, makin’ me work for it, right.”
“Work for what? What did you have in mind?”
“I want to be with you you.”
“You do?”
“Yeah.”
“Hmm. You got me from zero to sixty here, the way you said that.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I really wanna be with you too.”
“Hmm. I’m almost hoping my four o’ clock won’t show, even though he tends to give crazy tips.”
“Wow. You could get that changed into ones and we could run around in it.”
“Could. Or...”
“Or what?”
“Or... we could make margaritas.”
---

“Aww! Hahaaa! You like that, don’t you?”
“Yeah. Fuck, yeah.”
“Oh, Hernandez, you need to stop with the fuck yeahs right now, or I’ll never make it there in one piece.”
“Oh. So when I say... ‘fuck yeah,’ it does something for you?”
“You know it does.”

“I like the idea of doing something to you.”

---

“You were really cool today.”

“I’d like to think I’m really cool every day. Seriously, how did you expect me to be?”
“I expected you to be exactly how you were.”
“You amaze me.”
“I love you.”
“Me too. I want you.”

“Exactly.”
“I’m all yours. Yours.”
“Are you?”

“As long as you want me. All yours.”
“Then I want.”

---

“Oh my god, you’re blushing.”
“Fuck off.”

“Here?”
“Shut up.”
“Oh my god, Fernandez. You have no clue how fucking adorable you are.”
“Oh, shut up."
“If you insist.”

---

Quote what The Hernandez was thinking on the 20th of last month: "What is it? Does she want to be my girlfriend? God, honey, you can be my girlfriend. I'm only holding back for you."

So fucking cute, right?

--plan not to procrastinate, tomorrow.

On this day of giving thanks, I’m grateful for the carrot-cake with cream-cheese topping my mom is baking. And yeah, whatever, I’m extremely thankful for having a roof over my head and food on the table to eat – okay, fine, that’s wonderful and awesome and everything. Still, there’s the one person, who always makes me smile whether or not she’s doing something incredibly awkward, like leaping around in a leotard, or sobbing greatly after winning her first title in a century – Amelie Simone Mauresmo.

Amelie, with your beautiful green eyes and endless legs and toned derrier (I can speak French too) and your sexy abs that I really want to lick whipped-cream off, someday, woman, I am so thankful for you. I’ll even forget that you have terrible taste in women, and that you don’t get angry (angry = hot) nearly enough times on-court – which is actually kinda sweet and considerate of you. I would never behave like Penetta and Hingis did towards you and I’d be your own Mirka, except without the fat or the diva-ness.

Honestly, I will treat you like the bronzed Goddess you are and pour you glasses of red wine while you’re meeting my big-ass Indian family – you’ll need it. Because you came out at such a young age and eventually became close to your parents again while maintaining a reputation as one of the nicest, hottest players on the WTA, you make all your fans proud. Thanks for ten years of you (and your amazing body), and here’s to you sticking around for… about 30 more.

Love from the biggest Amelie stalker your future wife,
Steph.

--artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Currenly listening to these three awesome ones:

Hunter Valentine - Break This.

Shiny Toy Guns - Le Disko.

Alanis Morissette - Crazy.

Um, yeah, thassit.

Updates are more on twitter.com, so click the link in my link box and follow.

:)

//

Math was good.

//

Oh, don't Hernandez and Fernandez sound good together?

(there, you've got yourself some space) :)

--the way you make me feel. :)

And so it starts - and it's called WTF.

So yeah, come on, Rafa, you sexbox.

Some of these pictures are killer.

"I am sexy, no? Even when I smile like this."

Fed: "That girl's skirt is really short. If I just..."

Rafa: "The plane!"

Muzz: "Distinguished, Andy. You can do it."

Fed and Muzz: *talk*

Rafa: "Hm. Pie sounds good."

Rafa: *thinks* Heh. Roger looks funnyyyyy. *giggles*

Nando: *thinks* I like sex.

Muzz: *thinks* Um, I don't get Roger's accent.

---

What're you listening to?

Paradiso Girls, yo.

Woman. Stop doing that.

Whachootalkin'bout?

Um. That. Ghetto-ish-kinda thing.

Aw, lookitchoo, all proper Spic and shit. *grins* 'S'cute, tho.

Yours is annoying.

Nonono, you're s'posed to say I'm cute back.

I'm cute back.

Yo, I'm done here. Check out tha' shit - I'm cute back.

*thinks* So friggin' cute.

:)

---

Currently listening to: Michael Buble - Haven't Met You Yet.

--take my advice; I don't use it anyway.

First off, Sven – I’m not gonna talk to them.
Because sometimes, when you’re friends, sacrifices have to be made.
Because it’s hard for me to express myself.
Because if they can’t understand how I feel, it’s totally not worth explaining.
And it’s not worth fucking up five years or so for.
For real, though.
Even if I did talk to them, what am I supposed to say, anyway?
So, whatever.
It doesn’t matter, right?
I’ll just put a smile on my face and be there in the background.
Even if it fucking kills me to watch.
I was born to play Poker for a reason.
Let’s finally put that reason to good use.
I’ll smirk, and pretend not to give two shits, when I do.
But then again, who’s asking?

"This mask I wear, you gave to me,
One blue-skied day beneath the trees,
Its black and blue surrounds my life,
Covers my eyes and blinds my sight.

This mask I wear pretends I’m here,
And hides me from that awful fear,
That you might find the heart of me,
And take that too, beneath the trees.

This mask I wear to hide the pain,
It’s all I have to keep me sane,
“That’s awesome news,” I have to tell,
There are no words to stop this hell.

This mask, I ask the gods why,
They hate me so to watch me die,
A little more with every time,
I have to tell you that I’m fine.

But little girls grow up, my friend,
And learn the wicked ways of men,
This mask I wear comes off the day,
This mask I wear lays on your grave."
-- Shane Forrest.

Nick says, “Don’t worry, we’re still young. It’ll happen – that someone who looks at you and suddenly, you could write a book about how their eyes shine, and you wouldn’t even need a dictionary.
The someone who holds your hand, and everything is right in the world – you couldn’t be happier.
The someone who hugs you even when you’ve just stepped out of the boxing ring, and you’re all beaten-up and bloody and stinking with blood.
Just wait.”

I cling to your promise; there will be a dawn.

Currently listening to: As Tall As Lions - Love, Love, Love.